i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
