The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
