fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My liver just had a heart attack.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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