Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
