you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
