Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
