He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
