You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
