I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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