Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
