a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
