my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
