im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
