He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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