Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
