we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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