nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Randomize
