Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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