Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
