I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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