My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
