I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize