Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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