I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dear god my vagina.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
