Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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