fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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