gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
