If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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