benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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