I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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