I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
