Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
