I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
