It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
