all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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