I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
