All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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