Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
