I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
