dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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