When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think people are normalizing furries
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize