Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
