This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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