I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
