I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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