I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
