i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
