i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
