Don't you send me to vm
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
this just has baby written all over it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
