oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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