what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
