Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
