I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
