EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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