my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
