I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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