Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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