I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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