Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
