I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He felt like a one man threesome
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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