The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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