just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
