how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
