My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
