I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
