fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you win again, gameday.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
